· JACOB MANIPULATED ESAU. Gen. 25:29-34
· WOMEN MANIPULATED HEROD. Mark 6:21-26
· DELILAH MANIPULATED SAMSON. Judg 16:15-16
Then she said to him, "How can you say, 'I love you,' when you won't confide in me?...16 With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death. Judg 16:15-16
…couldn’t stand it any longer…NLT
…vexed his soul unto death…KJV Amen.
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How many of you – have someone – would control you if they could?
Put both hands in the air – just seeing if I still have control – Yes –
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MANIPULATORS’ GREATEST WEAPONS:
· They love to use Threats:
o If you want to work here, you’ll do this.
o If you don’t do this, I’m leaving you.
o If you don’t tell me, I’m hanging up.
o If you don’t pay more attention to me, I’m taking you out of my will.
o If you don’t do this, you are not getting any of that.
· Guilt:
o If you love me, you’d do what I ask.
o After all I’ve done for you; you won’t do this one thing.
o Silent treatment: I’m not talking to you right now.
o Thought we were close; obviously I can’t count on you.
o If you don’t do this, you’re not good Xian.
o If you don’t meet my needs, I’ll find another way to get them met.
BREAKING THE POWER OF MANIPULATION
1) RECOGNIZE WHEN SOMEONE IS TRYING TO CONTROL YOU.
Most people do this unconsciously…
…Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to
Peter took Jesus aside – manipulators lose power in groups.
Some are predators – calculated – some do it unintentionally
Peter didn’t mean any harm – just wanted his plan for Jesus’ life.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED?
· You can’t say “no” to a certain person.
o When you’d like to say no, you feel like you’re obligated, it’s like your under their control. And you may be being manipulated and you’re allowing it if you’re there.
· You always feel guilty. (can’t have any fun, exclusive loyalty)
o This happens in a lot of relationships like when you’re going out to have fun and you feel guilty.
· You feel ultimately responsible. (fear letting down)
o I should have done more, I should have been there for them.
· You compromise your values to please others.
o You find yourself doing things that you usually wouldn’t do… (sexual)
§ You’ll find someone who turns up the heat
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You have to verbalize and then show it.
2) THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK ON ME.
- in the past you could control., but not anymore
- now I don’t do what people want, I do what God wants.
Look at what Jesus said to Peter.
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Matt 16:21-23
This is not going to work on me – then, call them Satan! J
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Not going to allow another person to control my life.
· If someone else has control, you are committing the sin of idolatry.
o Thou shall have no other Gods before me
§ You can never become all that God wants you to be if you become a people pleaser.
Lawnmower/shopping cart dance- Dysfunctional Dance
When you change the dance you’re going to Step on their toes, then they’re going to squeeze harder and you might want to go to the old dance
– the dance has change
You better be prepared to defend it and it’s going to be hard because sparks are gonna fly.
But hang in there.
Because you’re going to be doing what God wants and not what someone else wants.
The only way you can learn a new dance is to break the rhythm of the first one.
1. you have to recognize when someone is trying to control you
2. You have to say “this is not going to work on me”
3) REDEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP.
Jesus allowed Peter to fail
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." John 21:16
Learn the two-handed backhand – tempting to go back
Obviously, I'm not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant. Gal 1:10 NLT
There’s two scenarios that I want to run by you
First how many of you are being controlled by manipulators , “Yes I’ve allowed someone to control me, but I want to break free”
Second, that you’re a controller, that you probably do so out of fear, that you do think that you might try to manipulate things to make them go a way that you see fit and it’s affecting others, but you want to be free of that.
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Some want to meet God on their terms, but life doesn’t work that way.
You might say “yeah I’m not perfect all the time, but there are some good things that I do that way:
But life doesn’t work that way.
God can’t be controlled or convinced, he can only be known through a life long relationship.
And just like any other healthy relationship you cannot control Him, but He can change your life through His love.
It’s starts like any other relationship and that’s through a conversation with Him.
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